I should have never spoiled her so much. The root of all of my unhappiness in this relationship is my fault. I let her have her way all the time, and to take it from her now would cause some superfluous deep exhaling. It just really hurts me most of all because she takes me for granted, and doesn't know I exist(sometimes). These ideas come from something that happened recently. I was sharing the couch with her while watching Grey's Anatomy. After the show we both get up to use the bathroom, but I let her go first. I then prepare the sink to wash dishes while I wait for her to use the bathroom. After she goes, I go. I come back to take my spot on the couch, and she is there with her laptop taking up all of the couch. She wants to watch some Oprah special about Oscar winning actors/actresses interview each other. I couldn't give a shit about this, and all I want to do is fucking lay down. So I go lay down in bed, and listen to George Clooney and Julia Roberts gab about how great Brad Pitt is or whatever. I end up falling asleep, and an hour later she wakes me up, and says, "Oh, I didn't know where you were." Maybe that doesn't bother anyone, but it does bother me. If I don't see her for an hour, and she doesn't tell me where she is, I think most of the time I would go looking for her. I probably wouldn't wait an hour.

Maybe I'm just too fucking neurotic or something. Maybe I'm just finding causes. It doesn't really sound like she's doing anything wrong, but I think I just want more than this. I want to be selfish. I want to do watch wrestling, or X-Play, or play Wii without fucking headphones. I can't do any of these things because it "bothers" her. Psh, and she always wonders why I stay up late at night. It's because I need my daily video game fix, and they replay X-Play at 3am.

I need to write here everyday like this. Keep it short, but do it everyday. I'll see how long I can keep it up.