I am Lieutenant Dan. He grew up knowing he was meant to die in a bloody battlefield. There was some part of him that even yearned for the day for his honorable death. He was going to be remembered by loved ones, and fellow soldiers as a man that gave everything he had for the greater good. That is what he wanted more than anything. Then Forrest Gump had to go and fuck everything up. This mortal had the power to deny Lieutenant Dan his destiny. It's insane to think that just one person can change your life that much. After he was taken from the battlefield, he spent years stuck in a wheelchair, with no direction, no desires. It wasn't fair.

Everything was taken from me. Maybe everything is still being taken from me. The only things that I worry about on a daily basis is whether or not my Ipod and it's headphones are working, and if I remembered my wallet, and keys before stepping out in the morning to go to work. Andrea asked me about work, and I didn't know what to tell her because I have no interest in what I do. I just do it. I haven't felt anything remotely close to desire ever since I graduated from college. My heart just tells me to go back to school, but because of my situation now, I don't really feel like I can. I have too much pride to ask Andrea, or her parents to pay my rent too. Of course I can't my own goddamn family to help me. Not after everything that's happened the last six years.

I need to stop blaming them for my lack of a life, though it's really easy to because I was a kid at the time. It's not like I was very mature. I'm still far from it. I could not imagine at the time going to a school on the other side of the country without any kind of help from my family. I'm not Felicity. I think that's what she did, but I only watched the first twenty minutes of the first episode, and never watched it again. I bet she didn't go cross country.

Damn Asian/Pacific Islander/Other parents. Naive, ignorant mother fuckers.

It feels so easy to say that. Why blame me? In a way, I am taking the blame for that also. I am weak, they are fearful. Everything is slowly going to hell now. It's affecting my relationship with Andrea. I think I'm punishing her out of jealousy because she had/has everything I wanted in a family relationship. Her parents are very supportive, and, AND, they don't require all the unnecessary smiling, togetherness, family forced like the shit that don't wanna come out crap. You want to do that? Fine, here's what you need! Now be on your way young one, so full of hope and enthusiasm. I get, no, no, no. Work at an office. Work at computers. Work at accounting. That's what I learned, and look at me Alvin! I'm not using anything I learned in college! You should suffer just like me. Let's be unhappy together.

My dad died during all of this, and that is why I cannot say anything. If I left, and he got sick, I would have had to come home anyway I guess, so I suppose I saved the time, and resources. Maybe in this alternate universe he doesn't get sick, and I get to stay in Boston to study everything, and anything about music. Just thinking about those times puts a smile on my face because I get those feelings again. Those feelings of passion. Being so into something that you can't think about anything else. It's wonderful when someone finds what they're looking for, and then surrounds themselves with it.

I like everything, but I don't love anything. That's where I have to start. Once I find it again, whatever it is, I'm busting out of here because this time nothing is going to stop me. I won't let anything block my path. Expect a lot of groin kicks.